The other day I was reflecting on why I’m not that good at drawing and came to the conclusion that at some point in time I stopped drawing, and thus stopped practicing. At my school it wasn’t taught beyond the age of 16. Drawing classes only continued for the exceptional talented kids on our school, who wanted to get into artschools. Since I wasn’t one of them, I stopped drawing.

Only now I realize that being able to translate ideas into visual stuff is important to me. I’m good with words and language, but sometimes a drawing is the only thing to explain what is going on inside my head. Question is, can I convince myself that sucking at drawing (and others being so much better at it) shouldn’t discourage me of doing it?

(practice, practice, practice(although I’m not headed for pro-status on this))

(about the number in the title)

The course was developed by Ernst Bohlmeijer (psychologist, Twente University) and Monique Hulsbergen (independent psychotherapist), based on Mindfulness and ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy). Mindfulness is described by the authors as: with open mind, without judgement noticing what happens from moment to moment. ACT is exactly what the abbreviation stands for: accepting whatever there is (either positive or negative) and committing to act.

During the 9 weeks the course takes you through 3 phases: the first phase is mainly about reflecting on your current emotions and coping strategies for (mental) pain; phase two is more about coming at peace with all there is, both the positive AND the negative side of life; phase three is about putting things into practice.

The book describes for every week a bit of theory and assignments to do which helps you reflect on how you’re behaving, what you envision for your life, sometimes keep a diary of specific types of behaviour (such as “write down every day when you compared yourself to others”). Every week there is a meditation assignment to do every day (or several times during the day if it’s a shorter one).

I’ve finished the first two phases. It’s been a roller coaster through emotions so far. I’ve been confronted with parts of myself that I thought I had dealt with during the years of intensive psychotherapy. It turns out that some issues will revisit me nonetheless. Bummer….

Still, I’m not entirely convinced of this course. It was announced as the rationalist approach to mindfulness, (without all the Buddhism-gobbledygook), but some of the stories the authors use in their book are still a lot of gibberish.

I can’t really tell yet whether this course will have a longer lasting effect effect on me than the nine weeks it involves me. Only time will tell. I will hang in there ’till the end. The best phase has yet to come: putting things into practice. Looking forward to that!

(about the number in the title)

No doubt that I’m an introvert. I am an analytic observer and I totally need a quiet hour after a party.

The article made clear to me that living in an ‘extravert prefered’-world is why I always felt I fell short in some aspects. As a teenager I didn’t hang out with others a lot. I had a hard time grasping peer-behaviour, such as chatting about the hottest bloke from a certain boy-band, or worse, filling your diary with images of your favorite singer/actor/horse. I think I can count the number of times I went to the local disco on one hand (there were no other places where you could hang out as a teenager where I grew up). I often was criticized for this, not taking part in social acitivities, both by peers as by my parents.

Now it’s time to wrap my introvertness in the comfy blanket and celebrate all the good things this aspect of my personality brings me. For instance the ability to self-reflect .

(about the number)

This week I’ve come to realize that a lot of the time I don’t take my work seriously. In the sense that I’m always playing down what I do. I have a hard time being convinced that what I do has value.

This realization hit me in the face and could easily knock me out if it catches me off guard. It’s one of those things that keeps following me where-ever life takes me and I’m rather fed up with it. In the light of the mindfulness course that I’m half-way through I should embrace this emotion and stop fighting against it.

So right now, I’m wrapping my self-criticism and self-disappointment in our woollen PEI blanket and won’t stop hugging the blanket with its contents untill I’ve come at peace with my emotions.

Sleep well.

(about the number)