Comments on: I have a confession to make.

By: Peter Kaptein

Peter Kaptein — Thu, 02 Oct 2008 18:11:07 +0000

Hi Elmine,
I guess it is part of life or something. I am just this year (being 37) learning to let go of all expectations I think people / the world around me “has”/”have” on me. Being me, that is a lot of pressure trying to be so much more than I am humanly capable of and using force to achieve it.

In the end, it is mostly my self-created bullshit and part of the flawed social coding in an environment aimed at performance / prestige. (You saw the building at Vijzelgracht

I learned to “just do what is required” and use the rest of my time and mindspace to re-descover childish fun / discovery / amazement and wonder.
Also deep-breathing (where your middenrif opens up and you suddenly can inhale twice as much air) does wonders to me.

By: Ernst

Ernst — Tue, 16 Sep 2008 15:01:49 +0000

Hi Elmine,

your mention of feeling like not having achieved anything hits me in the chest.

I’m with Henriette. I feel the same all the time, but talking (and working) with a coach helps me a lot (it’s still fooking hard work though..).

I think focus (as in work) is hokey. so, please, dont try to, it will only make you think harder.

what did you want to do in the first place?

and

you may find (or may not, but I am afraid that is the human condition) that you do make stuff happen (all by yourself). even if it is small it drives things.

Hou je taai vast (Indonesian grandma’s pun for “hold on to your shit”)

By: Elmine

Elmine — Fri, 12 Sep 2008 09:54:48 +0000

Just to let you all know that I am feeling better now. Making this confession and receiving warm responses made me feel part of the human species again

Not that I found my drive and passion all of a sudden, but at least (with help from my Birthday conference friends) I’m taking some steps in the right direction again.

By: Max Dyson

Max Dyson — Fri, 12 Sep 2008 09:46:10 +0000

Sorry to hear this.

My partner suffers depression (on and off) and I know it can be quite a traumatic experience for her (and me to a lesser extent).

The main thing is I believe (and don’t quote me, I am not a doctor) is to seek help, and you have identified your thoughts, so that is a good thing.

Whether medication is the option though, I don’t know.

Hopefully by the time you read this, you’re feeling better.

By: Lilia Efimova

Lilia Efimova — Tue, 26 Aug 2008 07:53:30 +0000

I recognise some of the feelings. With me the need to work with others is part of the equation and I know now that this need can be addressed only partially in technology-mediated ways of collaborating. Although I do feel like getting somewhere with my PhD, it feels like being extremely unproductive and documenting “yesterday’s news” while everyone around moves on.

Not sure if it’s something for you, but may be engaging intensively in a project with others could help finding where your passion is…

By: Elmine

Elmine — Thu, 21 Aug 2008 21:22:48 +0000

Thanks Henriette

By: Henriette Weber Kristiansen

Henriette Weber Kristiansen — Thu, 21 Aug 2008 07:12:29 +0000

dear Elmine.

Im sorry to hear you’re not ok. if I where you I would talk to somebody, I talked to a coach when I was down a couple of years ago and it really helped.I don’t really want to give advise, but I think you shouldn’t be afraid to reach out during hard times.

Im thinking of you and will see you soon =) hugs